In this Shirt
by arabesque28
Summary: Tragedy strikes and Felicity finds it almost impossible to move on. one-shot


Saying goodbye was never easy.

Especially when all that was left of him was a shirt. They never really had their shot, the opportunity to be together, in love... happy. Just when they were getting there, after a year of friendship they were finally on the same page.

_Oliver was the one to come to her, much to her surprise. Months after his relationship with Sara fell through, he showed up at her doorstep, bottle of wine in hand, hesitant smile, and a pint of ice cream. She wasn't sure why he was there, she assumed he just wanted company. She brushed off his flirting, and the small touches. _

_Except this time, his touch was more of an intimate caress and his flirtations weren't meant to butter her up. Yet, she didn't want to read too much into it, she didn't want to be disappointed when he showed up with a new woman on his arm. She was done with that._

_When he reached for her hand and intertwined their fingers together was when she lost it. "What are you doing, Oliver?" She asked, not wanting to played with or to become another notch on his ever-growing bedpost._

_Oliver placed his other hand over their connected ones, "I'm ready for this. I've been ready, Felicity, but I was too scared. I'm done being afraid to live my life, and I want to live it with you."_

_It was the first time she was speechless, it was also the first time he kissed her._

Felicity pulled the black shirt from under her pillow. She remembered taking it from the Foundry, never thinking it'd be one of the last things he'd touch that night. It was just a plain shirt he wore around the lair before suiting up. She told him she'd take it home with her so he could wash it. Since it was a simple mission, one she wasn't needed for, she was heading home early. He was going to meet her at her place after taking care of a few things. Except he never made it. He was gone. She was alone.

_The weeks following his late night visit to her house she was on cloud nine. For once things were okay, even good, and that was because of Oliver. He made her happy. He made her feel complete. He spent few nights out of the week at her place, always lugging around a duffel bag with his stuff. She knew it was kind of soon to empty a drawer for him, or give him a section in her closet but she considered it. In the end she decided to wait a little longer, to at least make it to a few months before suggesting he leave a few items at her place for the sake of convenience._

_Diggle asked her if it wasn't too much working with Oliver all day, to just go home with him, it wasn't. It was nice to have someone in her place, fill up the space, share her bed with... wake up to._

_Oliver wasn't without his own insecurities either, and it made her wonder if Diggle had asked him the same thing._

_They were laying in bed watching TV. She was curled up against his side when he asked, "you're not going to get tired of me are you? I know it's a lot for you, I've taken over every aspect of your life."_

_His voice was filled with humor but she could see the doubt in his eyes, and she realized she wasn't the only one that was scared. Loving each other was dangerous, it was crazy, it was consuming._

"_Oliver, you're my family. I'll never tire of you... of us." She told him hoping he felt the same way about her._

_Cupping her face, "I wish I wouldn't have waited so long. I wasted so much time, time we could have had together."_

_Placing her hand over his and giving him a reassuring smile, "this is our time." She told him, reaching up to kiss him._

_She never thought that it would be limited._

She was laying in her bed, wearing that same shirt she took from the foundry. Wrapped up in sheets that needed to be washed. There was still a discarded bottle of water on his side of the bed, along with the book he was reading. She couldn't bring herself to touch them, she couldn't bring herself to get out of bed. All she remembered was the time he told her she'd never lose him, that he'd never leave her. She should have known they were on borrowed time. She should have known it was too good to last.

_Even though Felicity was elated with her current relationship status, she was still careful around Sara. She and Oliver ended things on friendly terms, and she was supportive of her relationship with Oliver, but Felicity didn't want to rub it in her face. She valued Sara as a team member and friend, the last thing she wanted to do was alienate the only other female in her life._

"_You're being silly, Felicity. Sara practically cheered when I told her we were together, she's not going to be upset." Oliver told her, pulling her closer to him, behind the steps of the foundry._

_Felicity played with the buttons on his shirt, "I know. I just... I don't want to lose a friend, you know? Just bear with me, please... just a bit longer."_

_Leaning down and kissing her forehead, "whatever you want." He told her, willing to do what she asked if it meant keeping her happy._

She could hear the knocking at her door, this was a common occurrence. One that she wasn't ready to deal with. She knew Sara and Diggle were worried about her, she knew she was being selfish. She wasn't the only one hurting, the only one missing him. But she didn't care, she didn't want to worry about anyone else's pain, not when her own was eating at her.

_They had a deal, one that she came up with._

_They were watching Game of Thrones, it was the first weekend they took off from Arrow business. They had been dating for a month now and while they had a few squabbles, it was mostly smooth sailing. Still, a close call Felicity recently experienced, when a madman trying to hurt the vigilante through her, got her thinking. _

"_Oliver," she began, pausing the show._

_Oliver saw the concern on her face, "what's wrong."_

"_I think we need to make a pact," she explained._

"_A pact?" He asked humored._

"_Our confrontation with that Joker fellow got me thinking," she said knowing this would not be a conversation he would enjoy. "And I think that we need to agree on something."_

_Oliver was already feeling hesitant at whatever she was going to ask. "What would that be?"_

"_If something happens to me, whether it's because of our night work or because I get run over by a bus... I need you to promise me you won't blame yourself. I need to know that you'll move on with your life, and know that no matter what, I would never place any of the blame on you... and that I love you."_

"_Why are we even talking about this?"_

"_Because I know you. I saw how angry you were after the Joker was arrested, I saw the restraint it took for you not to kill him... and I want you to know that I love what we do, and I'm happy with my choices. So promise me, if something happens to me you won't blame yourself, and you'll live your life."_

"_I promise nothing will ever happen to you, I won't let it."_

"_Oliver, please be serious. You know that is not a promise you can keep nor should you try to. Just please, I need you to promise me this."_

_Oliver wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer to him. "I promise. Now promise me the same. Regardless of what happens, you'll move on and be happy."_

_Laying her head down on his shoulder, "I promise." She meant what she said, she just never thought it would ever come to pass._

Felicity heard glass breaking in the living room but she didn't care. A part of her hoped someone would just put her out of her misery, but that wasn't going to happen. Instead, Diggle barged into her bedroom. She didn't care that she wasn't wearing more than Oliver's shirt and panties, she didn't care that her eyes were swollen from crying, and her voice raw from screaming. She just didn't care.

Diggle took hesitant steps towards her and sat down on the edge of the bed.

"Felicity, I miss him too," he admitted, wanting to comfort her but afraid to touch her. "He wouldn't want this for you. It's been weeks, you're never going to stop missing him, but you need to start allowing yourself to heal."

She didn't know how to begin the healing process or if she even wanted to. She knew she was breaking her promise, but he wasn't here to say anything about it. She couldn't do it, she loved him for a year, but she only had him for two months.

"I'm not ready," she rasped, barely recognizing her own voice. "I miss him so much, Dig," She told him breaking down for the hundredth time that day. "I'm lost without him, it's not fair."

Diggle dragged her up to sitting position and wrapped his arms around her. "I know you do, and it's not fair but you need to keep living Felicity. You need to go on, it's what he would have wanted for you." He rubbed her back hoping to soothe her a bit, but she just kept on sobbing.

"I know... I just need him. How am I gonna do it Dig? How can I?"

"One day at a time," he said, "with time it'll get easier. But you have to try, you owe it to him, Felicity. Oliver loved you, you need to keep on going, it's what he would want."

"It's never going to be the same. I'm always going feel like a part of me is missing."

"In time you'll be whole again," he promised.

In the end Oliver Queen's death was a tragedy. One that seemed like an anomaly to those that really knew who he was. He wasn't felled by an enemy, he wasn't brought down by the law enforcement.

Oliver Queen died on a Tuesday night, when his car hydroplaned and he lost control hitting a light post. He died on impact, with a suitcase filled with his personal belonging he was planning to leave at Felicity's.

* * *

So this is a little sad but I wanted to get it out. I gave this a quick once over because it's getting late and I'm heading to bed. I was listening to "In this shirt" by the Irrepressibles, and that's what inspired this drabble. Hope you guys enjoy it even though it's somber and if you find any typos let me know and I'll fix them.


End file.
